Ive always had the hardest time with death, it hits me hard.....
When my uncle peter died I couldnt stand the fact that he would no longer be there, seeing him take his last breath was one of the hardest thing to take in, and seeing my nana laying there so peacefully,and thinking this is the last time im going to really see her was the second hardest thing ive ever had to go through yet.
For the last month ive tried my damnest to stay strong, even with all the shit that is going on, on the side....I would past by the room and just see her and think to myself,fuck man, i hate seeing her like this, i would go in once awhile to touch her head,and whisper in her ear,just so she could hear my voice, even though she doesnt know who I was anymore.... all i remember is the old days when she was able to do things alone, and she would play cards and smoke and drink, and no matter what had happened she would always be so happy, my nana was the strongest person I have ever met, she had been through so much throughout her life,and yet she NEVER let herself get down and out...all I remember is her in my life...the years that I COULD remember..and now the memories from this point on, are no longer.
Ive lost 2 important people in my life,and my heart is to big to bear the sorrow it brings....I feel so fucking broken, I feel when my nana took her last breath she took a part of me with her, and I feel screaming at the top of my lungs...or even running far away and not looking back, just forgetting how I really feel on the inside,Theres too much going on the inside of me,that im losing myself.
I wish I could take everyones pain, and enclose it in a heart shaped box, and bury it forever.............
I hope that I die before anyone else that I truly care about does.
cause I cant take it, I cant take it.
sleep with the angels nana.
If there is a god, hes lucky to have you up there.
Hes going to realize what hes been missing all these years.
I love you, with every good part of me,with every bad part of me.
Ill NEVER forget you.
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